Relationship Abuse & Sexual Violence Response Protocol
For students impacted by sexual assault, stalking, domestic violence, or dating violence
Relationship Abuse & Sexual Violence Response Process
*Talk to your administrator regarding this policy.
These behaviors may indicate a problem in the life of a student:
You might see…
excessive texts, especially wanting to know where the partner is at all times
threats to share unflattering or sexual images
slut-shaming or gender-based bullying via social media or in person
distributed pictures or videos of sexual or physical violence
rumors or bragging about sexual behaviors where consent seems unclear
student seems consistently depressed or anxious
student stops participating in extracurricular activities or other interests
student stops spending time with friends and family
ignoring privacy boundaries and checking the other person’s cell phone, email or social networks
extreme jealousy, possessiveness, or insecurity
belittling, name-calling, or put-downs
explosive temper
isolation from family and friends
constant mood swings
physically inflicting pain or hurt in any way
suspiciousness or accusations of cheating
telling a partner what they can and cannot do
coercing or pressuring someone to have sex
unexplained marks or bruises
What to do if you are concerned about a student:
Approach the student privately.
Explore that concern, with the goal of offering support, NOT to do an investigation. People who are experiencing abuse or assault are most likely to disclose to a person they have a trusted relationship with—you. If the student discloses, or you suspect sexual assault or relationship abuse, follow the protocol by contacting the school point-of-contact and involving the student in next steps.
Do no harm. Your role is important and may open a door to healing. If you do not feel prepared to offer supportive statements, you could say: “I am going to find someone who can help” and contact a school counselor and/or the school point-of-contact.
You can say…
If you are concerned that a student may BE a victim:
”I have noticed [insert behavior] lately. I want you to know that I care about your safety and well-being. Do you have an adult in your life that you trust and can talk to?”
”I care about you and have been worried about you lately. How would you feel about walking to the counselor’s office together so you can get some support?”
If you are concerned that a student may KNOW a victim:
“I thought I heard you say something about sexual contact that did not sound consensual. Alcohol and consent can be tricky. I am worried about that person’s safety and would like to help.”
”I heard you talking about another student and I am concerned about that person’s safety based on what I heard. I won’t tell [student’s name] that I spoke with you, but I would like to know more so that I can help.”
How to talk to a student about an incident:
Believe, Support, and Validate:
“This sounds like a difficult experience.”
“I’m really sorry to hear this happened to you.”
“This was not your fault.”
“You deserve to be treated with respect.”
“I am here to help, please go on.”
“What do you need?”
“Are you okay? Do you need medical attention?”
“I believe you.”
“Do you feel safe?”
“I’m so glad you came to talk to me.”
“This is important.”
“I know this must be uncomfortable. Please take your time.”
“If you want to talk about this again, you can talk to me.”
Do…
Talk to the student in a safe setting, away from other students.
Recognize that the student may be fearful, confused, and/or vulnerable.
Believe them: It takes a lot of courage to tell an adult and it can be devastating to hear that someone doesn’t believe you.
Ask them what they think will make them feel safer and if they feel comfortable telling friends or family what is going on.
Be kind: Convey warmth and understanding.
Support by actively listening.
Respect their privacy: Only tell the people who need to know about the situation.
Think about the questions you ask and what you need to know: are you asking questions for your own curiosity or because it will help you help the student?
Questions related to drug or alcohol use, what the student was wearing at the time, or about their behaviors can be interpreted as placing blame on the victim.
Don’t…
Minimize or downplay the situation.
Place any blame on the victim.
Give advice.
Make promisesyou can’t keep.
Ask what they were wearing.
Ask if they were drinking.
Lecture the student about what you consider to be poor judgment or choices.
If a student tells you about an incident:
Believe, support, & validate (as modeled above).
Tell the student that you are going to contact the School Point-of-Contact and if there is anyone else you must inform.
Determine if a report is required (consult your school policy).
Contact the school point-of-contact, then follow the steps below.
The school point-of-contact should:
Reach out to the student who has experienced abuse or assault.
Believe, support, & validate the student.
Ensure that the student has their immediate medical and safety needs met.
Give the student information about what’s next: Title IX, mandated reporting, and connecting with an advocate.
Let the student know if you must involve their parent(s) or guardian(s): ask if their parents would be supportive and invite the student to participate in informing their parents.
Call DVSAS or LVOC advocate to speak with the student on the phone and set up a time to meet at school.
Share DVSAS and LVOC contact information with the student.
Work with the student (and advocate) to set up immediate & ongoing supportive measures. Explore accommodation options for the student accused of violence before the student victim.
Follow-up with the original staff involved, CPS, law enforcement, DVSAS advocate, parents, etc.
Mandated reporters should (consult your school policy):
Tell the student that you are required to make a report to law enforcement or CPS and invite the student to participate in the report.
Do not investigate the report.
Inform your administrator.
Report to CPS or law enforcement.
Offer to have a DVSAS or Lummi Victims of Crime (LVOC) advocate meet with the victim during the police or CPS interview.
Call DVSAS or LVOC to inform them of the time/location of the interview.
Take down contact information of the people responding and ask about the best way to follow up.
Domestic & Sexual Violence Service Directory
DVSAS
Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services
24-hour confidential helpline
1-877-715-1563
360-715-1563
www.dvsas.org
Tl’ils Ta’á’altha
Nooksack Tribe Victims of Crime Program
24-hour confidential helpline
360-306-5090
https://nooksacktribe.org/departments/youth-family-services/tlils-taaaltha-victims-of-crime-program/
LVOC
Lummi Victims of Crime
24-hour confidential helpline
360-312-2015
More resources for teens:
That’s Not Cool
This project was supported by Grant No. 2015-CY-AX-0012 awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women.